


bleak

by a_shame (sora_san89)



Series: mundane ramblings of a nonsensical person [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV Second Person, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sora_san89/pseuds/a_shame
Summary: You wake up.





	bleak

**Author's Note:**

> I am feeling really down for these past few days and I decided to try writing down my frustrations. I haven't written anything in a while, and I'm really rusty so ;;;
> 
> I might write a few more of these, idk. We'll see.

Your eyelids flutter open and shut. Vague, blurry shapes wander into your vision, the sunlight not strong enough to help you see your room. Colors seem to burst in your eyelids, and this stirs your conscious mind into action, albeit a little slower than usual.

You wake up.

The smell of dust and stale air clings onto your nose but you have yet to put it into words. Your throat feels like it is fastened together inside your neck. There's a lingering taste of _something_ stuck in your tongue.

Belatedly you realize, as you stare overhead and see the streams of weak, pale light enter the seams of your window--

_\--ah, it's morning already._

Thoughts trickle in your head. 

What time is it? Your internal clock scream 5:14 a.m. but you aren't really sure... You have a couple of hours on hand before you start functioning like a normal human. Maybe today will be the day you'll finally get to work on time. Maybe you'll finish your tasks ahead of time too. Today you might save up a little more money for tomorrow. As soon as you get up from the bed, you'll raise you arms up, stand on the tips of your toes, and stretch _waaaay_ up high until you hear your joints pop. Maybe you'll fry an egg or two, and sip a glass of refreshing apple juice instead of your usual dull, tasteless instant coffee mix. Maybe when you plug in your earphones, the first song you'll hear is a groovy, jazz piano that is sure to keep your spirits up. Maybe when you traverse the sidewalks on your way to work, you'll meet a dog and say hello.

So many endless possibilities fill you with a sense of purpose. Everything finally clicks into place.

_I can do this_

You will your body to rise, slow and steady, slow and steady...

But you pause.

_Can you really?_

You doubt.

You will yourself to fight-- _Yes I can, I just have to put my mind into it, I can do anything as long as I believe in myself--_

\--but it questions itself, _Can I really?_

Three simple words.

But it was not without force.

You feel the air around you (too warm, too sticky), and it makes you choke. The weight of your body makes itself know, the heaviness you carry suddenly _there_ , just as you were about to finally feel _something_. Your arms shake a little, and you feel your left leg tremble with an upcoming cramp.

Quietly, softly, everything crumbled.

Piece.

By.

Piece.

The heaviness grips your arms, pins your back to the bed, pressures your legs to keep themselves still, despite the cramp gnawing on it.

The thoughts keep pouring in.

You don't think you'll have the energy to go to work today. You'll definitely skip on your meals. Your back will ache, and your arms will creak. You don't think you'll be in the mood to listen to music. You won't be stepping out of your house for a while.

You wake up to the reality that you will always be nothing. To anyone. To anything. That no matter what you do, will never be good enough. That no matter what you do, you'll always be wrong.

The sigh that leaves your lips taste something that can only be described as _disappointment_.

You raise the blanket up, up until it covers your entire head. There's something ringing in your ears, but it fails to drown out the voices of your thoughts. 

It was never quiet in your head. 

It was chaos.

 

You close your eyes. 

You just want to sleep.


End file.
